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    Being a Third Wheel

    Thursday, October 8, 2020


    Being a third wheel works - if it’s a TRYcycle. And what I mean is you have to TRY and put forth the effort. It doesn’t come naturally. It takes work, communication, and acknowledgement that things are different. 


    I love being a third wheel! Currently, I’m a third wheel girl to a dating friend, an engaged friend, and several married friends. I love having their significant others as friends! I mean, who doesn’t want more awesome guy friends in their lives? 


    Here are some tips that have helped me:


    > When your friend gets a boyfriend, acknowledge to yourself that things will be different. False expectations lead to disappointment, so just expect that your friendship with your girlfriend will change slightly. Change is not always a bad thing! Maybe you gain a new guy friend or learn new things from being around them. 


    > Allow for adjustments in how much time you expect to spend with your friend. She will be spending time with her boyfriend. This is a good thing and an exciting thing! They need time to get to know each other and to be together. If their relationship is headed towards marriage, their time together needs to be a priority. Give grace as your friend is trying to figure out a new normal. 


    > Become friends with their boyfriend/fiancé/husband. What does your friend love about him? Find out who he is, what he loves, when his birthday is, etc. Take interest in getting to know him. 


    > Hang out with them as a couple. Get to know them as “them.” Don’t just focus on your friend; make her significant other feel comfortable and welcome too. 


    > Schedule solo time with your friend. It probably won’t be as regular as it used to be. You might have to schedule it way in advance, but be intentional about nurturing the relationship. 


    > Communicate and be honest with your friend about how you feel. When I was dating, I had three or four friends tell me they felt neglected in our friendship because I was spending all my time with my boyfriend. I literally did not see it (hello infatuation stage of dating!). But I listened and tried to make adjustments. Sometimes your friend just isn’t aware. 


    > Learn from their relationship. What do they do that makes you comfortable or uncomfortable? Take note for your future relationship. 


    > Embrace the awkward. Couples are awkward and weird at times. It’s a fact. So have fun with the awkward. 


    > Know when to give them space. When you are hanging out for extended amounts of time, see the signs of when they need a chance to talk together and just take a moment to walk away. 


    > Pray. Pray God’s blessing and direction for the couple. Pray away jealousy from your own heart. 


    > Take this time to be comfortable being alone, exploring new hobbies, or making new friends. 


    > HAVE FUN! There is always going to be a learning curve when your friends start dating, but look for the positives and have fun with this season of life. 


    What advice do you have for being a third wheel? What is hard? What is easy?

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