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    If the Lord Wills

    Tuesday, July 21, 2020

    How should women who are single talk about the future when marriage is desired, yet it is never guaranteed? God never promises marriage for his daughters. He never guarantees a husband, so it can be difficult to plan for and talk about the future when it is unknown.
    One reader says, “There seem to be two systems of thought: The first where you don’t mention husband/kids (outside of deep talks with a select few) because there is a possibility that it may never happen. The second being to talk about husband/kids with expectancy (as a part of life, not what you’re solely living for) because that is what you truly desire.”
    I don’t pretend to have the right answer here. This is something that I am still processing and trying to figure out myself, and I may never know the perfect way to handle this. But I know that this quandary is not limited solely to single women longing for marriage. I think of my married friends longing for a child. Or those working odd jobs so they can hopefully pursue their passion as a career. We all have areas of our lives that feel vulnerable to talk about because we just don’t know the future.
    And sometimes, honestly, it is hard to know how to allow yourself to hope for the future. But one thing I know to be true: We can safely hope in Jesus because a future with Him is secure. It’s important to acknowledge this truth first and foremost because it is the rock on which our beliefs stand. If this foundation is not there, all other areas in life will crumble. I also know that God wants me to pray and ask for what I desire. So I will ask. But then I must daily lay down my desires and future plans in surrender at Jesus’ feet. I must trust that He knows what is best for me, and even if my dreams never come true, I must purpose in my heart to believe His goodness and kindness.
    That brings us back to the question that brought us here today: How do we talk about the unknown future with others?
    I think it is good to be honest with your hopes and desires. In my early 20s, I ignored my desire for marriage because I felt a sense of shame. Why am I desiring something that God hasn’t given me yet? It must be wrong. But a desire for marriage is not wrong, and there is never shame in wanting something God designed.
    Don’t shy away from being honest about your feelings with yourself and with others. But do so acknowledging the fact that it is “if the Lord wills.” James 4:15 says, “Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.’”
    I personally have embraced talking about my desire for a husband and children “if the Lord wills.” I believe it is good to be vulnerable and honest. But my decisions today will reflect what God has laid before me today. Though I desire marriage, I won’t wait around for a spouse before I make decisions. I have decided to live my life today based on the known.
    Believe that the Lord has a good timeline for you and that His story for you may look different. You could get married later in life. You could be married within the next year. Adoption may be your story. Perhaps you may have a quiver full of children. Or maybe you will have a spiritual lineage of children-in-Christ. Let go of expectations of how your life should look and allow God to write a beautiful story while being honest and real with yourself and others about your desires.
    (Note: In regard to God promising marriage, He actually does promise a spiritual marriage one day between Christ and the church. This post, however, is solely referring to earthly marriage which is never guaranteed by God.)

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