Guest Post: Freedom from Pornography and Lust As a Woman

Walking in freedom from pornography and lust is not an easy thing. People don't want to talk about the struggle of lust, especially as a woman. The enemy brings in lies and shame. But God is bringing light to this darkness. He is using people, like my friend Taylor, to share their stories and encourage others in their walk to freedom. Pray and ask God to work in your heart and mind as you read how Taylor wisely advises how to break free from pornography and lust. (Read her testimony here.)

Lauren: When you gain victory in an area, the temptations do not easily go away. What mental boundaries do you have in place and how do you enforce those?  What do you think of and remind yourself of in moments of temptation?

Taylor: Getting free was one thing, but staying free throughout the stages of being single, dating, engaged, and most recently, married, has been a journey of its own. Regardless of my relationship status, I decided that I had to a) have strong mental and physical boundaries, b) be honest and real with myself and my accountability about my weaknesses, and c) planning accordingly, every single day. Essentially, I have to put on the full armor of God every morning, even in marriage! My husband Alvin and I have both had similar struggles with porn and masturbation addictions, so we have an agreement in our marriage that we don’t watch anything with nudity. It’s like 1 Peter 5:8 says: “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” (ESV).

Lauren: This is a hard topic to be open and vulnerable about. What are some important tips in seeking an accountability partner? In what ways do you have accountability?

Taylor: A key part of Alvin’s freedom from pornography was accountability, even though I never had an accountability partner. He had a group of friends he would talk to, as well as spiritual leaders that he could go to when he was struggling. He will tell you that accountability was essential to his freedom.

Lauren: How did it feel when you were dating someone with a pornography addiction? What advice would you give?

Taylor: When Alvin and I began dating, I was already walking in full freedom from pornography and masturbation. However, it was still something Alvin was struggling with, and while he was up front and honest with me about it, it was still really hard to hear. Yet, because it was something I had dealt with, I had more grace for him. Shortly into our relationship, Alvin took a week to fast and pray for freedom. Ultimately though, it was his heart for Jesus and his heart for me that helped him become free.

Something that we agreed on really early on was that lust wasn’t going to enter our marriage, so before he proposed, he had gotten completely free. When you’re serious about getting free and going after God, He will free you!

I’d say to anyone dealing with pornography in a relationship to look for the red flags: 

- Are they seeking freedom and do they truly want to stop? 

- Are they taking practical steps? 

- Do they have accountability in their addiction?

If your partner isn’t doing these things, that’s a red flag. A pornography addiction isn’t necessarily the cause for a breakup, but if your significant other isn’t actively chasing their own freedom, taking practical steps, and finding accountability with someone other than you, that is major cause for concern. You should absolutely never be your girlfriend/boyfriend’s accountability partner, because it will eat at your own sense of self-worth and eventually destroy your relationship. On that note, when you’re in a relationship where someone is dealing with a pornography addiction, it’s important to make boundaries with that person - both physically and emotionally. Remember, you are not Jesus! It’s not your responsibility to save that person.

Lauren: In your experience, do porn and masturbation always go together? What if you have gained victory in your struggle with porn but still struggle with masturbation?

Taylor: In my experience, when I would watch pornography, I would always masturbate . . . I mean, that’s kind of the point! But it is easy to masturbate without porn. In my case, masturbation became a crutch that I depended on for comfort, which meant that I wasn’t going to the Holy Spirit, who is literally the best Comforter there is!

Masturbation can definitely be more difficult to stop than watching pornography. There’s a lot that you have to wade through mentally when you’re trying to get free from masturbation - lies like, “I’m not watching porn, it’s all in my head, so I’m not hurting anybody.” But that’s a really slippery slope, I mean, Matthew 5:28 says, “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (ESV). It’s still a struggle, which is why you have to have someone in your life who is willing to speak the truth of God’s word into your struggle. Proverbs 4:21-22 says, “Your words … bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole flesh.” (NLT).

Lauren: So much wisdom and truth. I’m so thankful that God has helped you gain victory. What would you say has changed in your life now that you have experienced victory in the area of pornography?

Taylor: Everything has changed now that I’ve experienced victory over pornography! My life has changed. My eyes were opened to the fullness of my calling, and I live everyday shameless, guilt free, and with a greater understanding of my own worth. My relationship with Jesus has been so elevated because I understand God’s love and grace for me at such a deeper level than I did before.

That God would still love and use me for the freedom of others is incredible, especially since I “broke my promise to get free” so, so many times. God showed me that He desires freedom for me even more than I do, and because of that, I have been able to forgive myself. The best part is that now I get to encourage and pour into other young women who struggle with the same thing, and I get to help them see victory in their lives, which brings me so much joy!

Thanks to Taylor and her team for sharing these responses to the SOFH community’s questions. Taylor is 21 years old with a passion to see the captives set free. Her heart is to see those addicted to pornography set free as well as those trafficked and abused in the porn industry. Staying silent about the things that matter is not her thing. She currently works for a missions organization called “Circuit Riders” and is residing in Huntington Beach, California with her husband Alvin.