Walking in freedom
from pornography and lust is not an easy thing. People don't want to talk
about the struggle of lust, especially as a woman. The enemy brings in
lies and shame. But God is bringing light to this darkness. He is using people,
like my friend Taylor, to share their stories and encourage others in their
walk to freedom. Pray and ask God to work in your heart and mind as you read
how Taylor wisely advises how to break free from pornography and lust. (Read
her testimony here.)
Lauren: When you gain victory in an area, the temptations do not easily go away. What
mental boundaries do you have in place and how do you enforce those?
What do you think of and remind yourself of in moments of temptation?
Taylor: Getting free was one thing, but staying
free throughout the stages of being single, dating, engaged, and most recently,
married, has been a journey of its own. Regardless of my relationship status, I
decided that I had to a) have strong mental and physical boundaries, b) be
honest and real with myself and my accountability about my weaknesses, and c)
planning accordingly, every single day. Essentially, I have to put on
the full armor of God every morning, even in marriage! My husband Alvin and I
have both had similar struggles with porn and masturbation addictions, so we
have an agreement in our marriage that we don’t watch anything with
nudity. It’s like 1 Peter 5:8 says: “Stay alert! Watch out for your great
enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to
devour.” (ESV).
Lauren: This is a hard topic to be open
and vulnerable about. What are some important tips in seeking an
accountability partner? In what ways do you have accountability?
Taylor: A key part of Alvin’s freedom from
pornography was accountability, even though I never had an accountability
partner. He had a group of friends he would talk to, as well as spiritual leaders
that he could go to when he was struggling. He will tell you that
accountability was essential to his freedom.
Lauren: How did it feel when you
were dating someone with a pornography addiction? What advice would you give?

Something that we
agreed on really early on was that lust wasn’t going to enter our marriage, so
before he proposed, he had gotten completely free. When you’re serious about
getting free and going after God, He will free you!
I’d say to anyone dealing
with pornography in a relationship to look for the red flags:
- Are
they seeking freedom and do they truly want to stop?
- Are
they taking practical steps?
- Do
they have accountability in their addiction?
If your partner
isn’t doing these things, that’s a red flag. A pornography addiction isn’t
necessarily the cause for a breakup, but if your significant other isn’t
actively chasing their own freedom, taking practical steps, and finding
accountability with someone other than you, that is major cause for concern.
You should absolutely never be your girlfriend/boyfriend’s
accountability partner, because it will eat at your own sense of self-worth and
eventually destroy your relationship. On that note, when you’re in a
relationship where someone is dealing with a pornography addiction, it’s
important to make boundaries with that person - both physically and
emotionally. Remember, you are not Jesus! It’s not your responsibility to save that
person.
Lauren: In your experience, do porn
and masturbation always go together? What if you have gained victory in your
struggle with porn but still struggle with masturbation?
Taylor: In
my experience, when I would watch pornography, I would always masturbate
. . . I mean, that’s kind of the point! But it is easy to masturbate without
porn. In my case, masturbation became a crutch that I depended on for comfort,
which meant that I wasn’t going to the Holy Spirit, who is literally the best Comforter
there is!
Masturbation can definitely be more
difficult to stop than watching pornography. There’s a lot that you have to
wade through mentally when you’re trying to get free from masturbation - lies
like, “I’m not watching porn, it’s all in my head, so I’m not hurting anybody.”
But that’s a really slippery slope, I mean, Matthew 5:28 says, “But
I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already
committed adultery with her in his heart.” (ESV). It’s still a struggle,
which is why you have to have someone in your life who is willing to
speak the truth of God’s word into your struggle. Proverbs 4:21-22 says, “Your
words … bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole flesh.” (NLT).
Lauren: So much wisdom and truth. I’m so
thankful that God has helped you gain victory. What would you say has
changed in your life now that you have experienced victory in the area of
pornography?
Taylor: Everything
has changed now that I’ve experienced victory over pornography! My life has
changed. My eyes were opened to the fullness of my calling, and I live everyday
shameless, guilt free, and with a greater understanding of my own worth. My
relationship with Jesus has been so elevated because I understand God’s love
and grace for me at such a deeper level than I did before.
That God would still love and use me for the freedom of
others is incredible, especially since I “broke my promise to get free” so, so
many times. God showed me that He desires freedom for me even more than I do, and
because of that, I have been able to forgive myself. The best part is that now
I get to encourage and pour into other young women who struggle with the same
thing, and I get to help them see victory in their lives, which brings me so
much joy!
Thanks to Taylor and her
team for sharing these responses to the SOFH community’s questions. Taylor is 21 years old with a passion to see the captives set free. Her
heart is to see those addicted to pornography set free as well as those
trafficked and abused in the porn industry. Staying silent about the things
that matter is not her thing. She currently works for a missions organization
called “Circuit Riders” and is residing in Huntington Beach, California with
her husband Alvin.
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