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    Unknown Endings

    Tuesday, April 14, 2020

    “The dog dies at the end.”

    This is 5th grade me to my classmates sitting in literature circles at the start of a brand-new book. I got in so much trouble.

    I didn’t really know about *spoilers* then and I wasn’t trying to ruin the book. But when I saw the dog on the cover, I immediately flipped to the last page to see if the dog was still alive. I was NOT to be tricked again. I knew how these dog books worked! You grow attached to the dog in the story and then bawl your eyes out at the end when the dog dies.

    I wanted to warn my classmates so they could emotionally be prepared and separate their hearts a little from the dog. Not get too close.

    I got called to the teacher’s desk and learned my lesson.  I mean, I was just trying to help a friend out over here. 

    Ok so I thought I learned my lesson. But 5th grade Lauren isn’t too different than today’s Lauren. While I know not to ruin movies or flip to the last page in a book, my approach to books about dogs and to relationships aren’t really much different. When I start talking to someone, I want to know right away how it ends. I hate the risk. I want to put all the walls up to protect my heart. I want the least amount of attachment possible so I get hurt the least. Because I know how these relationships work - you grow attached and have fun and then there is heartbreak and pain on the last page.

    The thing is, no matter how the story ends each time for me and relationships, I can be confident that my relationship with Jesus won’t end in the same way. In fact, with Jesus, our first page started with death. He died for me. And I know each page only has great love for me. I can trust my loving Jesus with my relationships.

    With relationships, I am trying to leave my skepticism aside. I pray and ask God to take these fears and worries. I thank Him for being the good and loving Author. I trust Him with the mountains and the valleys, the fun and the pain. I take a deep breath, and then I turn another page.

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