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    Guest Post: SOFH Sister Marlene

    Thursday, April 16, 2020


    Grab a hot cup of coffee and join me in listening to my SOFH sister, Marlene, share her heart on singleness and dating.

    I have a fear of dating the wrong person.

    I have a fear of being hurt emotionally by a guy I give time to by sharing my hopes, dreams, and fears. I have a fear of being rejected by the guy that I think is cute and seems to be a good match for me.

    I was 15.

    I thought the guy liked me, So, I googled, “How to tell if a guy likes you?” because well that seemed like the ideal thing to do, right? I just wanted to make sure my gut feeling was right.

    Once the internet agreed with me and I could pinpoint specific times that I saw him “stare at me or always be around in close proximity” (which meant he of course liked me), I started thinking of how I was going to tell him I liked him or at least give him hints to pursue me.

    The time came on Instagram (because that’s what I thought would be best; but where did I let God in on this potential relationship?). He posted on his feed, “Honesty Hour: Tell me something that you’ve always wanted to tell me”. I thought that this was the perfect time to tell him! Right!? So I got the courage to DM him. (Again, without consulting my Father in Heaven.)

    With my palms sweating and heart beating, I typed I like you” to my crush.

    The response I got typed back to me was, “I think that you are a great girl. We go way back, yet I have never seen you in that way, but you are a great girl.”

    The response in the moment stung . . . and felt like a compliment. Even though he validated that I am a great girl, I still felt the rejection of only being seen as a friend while I saw him as a potential boyfriend.

    Again, I was 15 years old, and he was 15 years old. I was also using Google to order my steps into a godly committed relationship rather than the other Big G!! GOD! Google has valuable resources for singles. It's just for me as a 15 year old, I got into the idea of going for “How to tell if a guy likes you” kind of resources instead of “How to hear from God in your season of singleness.”

    Being 20 years old now, I have had time to mature (and am still in process). I still see this godly man at church meetings. My prayer to God had been that it would never be awkward between us and that he would even forget I ever told him I liked him at midnight on Instagram through DM. I have no way of really knowing if he forgot, but I do know for a fact that the awkwardness is gone. I can look him in the eyes, talk without stuttering and ask him for prayer requests. He is a great young man and I pray only blessings for him.

    I, at the age of 15, was in no way ready for a dating relationship. The rejection gave me time to focus on my relationship with the Lord. Even in my time of focusing on this guy, God was still showing up in my daily life. This also gave me time to pour into knowing and becoming more like Jesus. I learned that I need to let God in on my love life. Even at the age of 15, God still cared about what guy had my attention. All the time I spent swooning over this guy was taking away the time I could be devoting to God, praising him, and worshiping him. Kirk Franklin once said, “God never competes for our attention.”

    I learned that no season is wasted by God. I want to pour into my relationship with Jesus every single day. Even though I thought time was wasted on just seeking a guy’s “yes” to liking me, God was still pursuing my heart. I read my Bible all the way through for the first time by July of the year of 2015. (I told the guy I liked him in September of 2015.)

    Honestly, I still need time to understand who I am. I need time to know who God created me to be, with my specific DNA. God created me with purpose. He says that I can “praise [Him] because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; [His] works are wonderful, I know that full well,” (Psalms 139:14). I want to continue to discover, explore, and spend time with God. I want to pursue God’s will for my life. I want to pour into passions that are ordained for a great work in God’s kingdom.

    During this season, I want to travel (Hawaii is on the list!). I want to go to Haiti where my parents were born and connect with my family there. I want to learn how to speak French fluently. I want to learn more instruments (I play the clarinet, bass clarinet, and piano, but I want to learn the trumpet, violin, trombone, and drums). I want to grow in my purpose with the Lord. Specifically right now, I want to take this season of being home and doing online school work to continue getting close to my family, studying my Bible, worshiping God more intimately and praying fervently.

    In this time, I am thankful for the joy of being single in Jesus.

    This is time for me to allow Jesus to fill the emptiness that troubles my soul. This is the time that I can truly let Jesus be the lover of my soul. Like Jonathan McReynolds says in his song, “Lover of My Soul”: What I lack, you are full of. Where I’m broken you are whole. What I doubt, you are sure of. So I’ll trust the lover, the lover of my soul. Jesus is the lover of our souls y’all. He loves me - He loves you! The Lord loves us so much. He thoughts towards you are good.

    Thank you, Jesus, for your grace. We pray that the Truth of your dying for our sins reminds us that our pain is never too small or big for you to make a miracle in the midst of what we call our mess. Man may reject us, but God, you never will. You choose us every day; help us to choose you.

    Cast your cares upon the Lord for he cares for you! 1 Peter 5:7

    Marlene is a Florida-born and Kentucky-raised Haitian American gal. She is currently in her second year at Berea College where she is planning to major in Chemistry and minor in Dance. She loves unity within community and thus, Psalms 133 is the heartbeat of her everyday life. On any given day, Marlene enjoys chatting with her friends and family, doing Zumba-cardio workouts, jamming to Kirk Franklin, and reading the Word. You can catch Marlene rocking her bright smile, her pep in her step and her flowy dresses. Marlene wants you all “to be encouraged and go out and be lights of the world!”

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