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    Guest Post: Healing From Sexual Sin

    Thursday, March 14, 2019

    Grab your freshly poured (or twice reheated) coffee and read this beautiful guest post from an anonymous Singled Out sister as she shares her heart and her healing.

    Sharing my journey of healing from sexual sin is hard. But if I’ve learned anything on this journey, it’s that there is power and healing in owning your truth and sharing your story.  
    No need to share all the details, but basically I made the decision in my early 20s to engage in premarital sex.  
    I just remember being so tired of feeling like I was missing out and of explaining why I was still a virgin. I hated feeling like men didn’t want to date me because I was inexperienced.  
    So I caved.
    But then something else happened . . . sex became something that seemed expected in every dating relationship I had. It was almost like it was just part of the dating experience, and if I wanted to date and one day be married (which I desperately did) then sex was an expected part of that journey.  Who could blame me for feeling this way? It felt like everyone else was “doing” it, and our current culture totally reinforces this idea that sex is a normal part of any dating relationship.
    I began to see that I was placing my sense of self-confidence and worth in whether or not men found me sexually attractive.  I was left feeling very depressed, shameful, and completely unworthy of love. I had given so much of myself to men that I was left feeling like an empty shell of a person as each of them left me.
    During this time of life, finding a relationship with God was not my priority. I had been using sex as a tool to achieve a relationship, to hook a husband, and ultimately to feel loved.  I didn’t know what else to do, so I just prayed. I prayed for God to show me what to do and to help me feel whole again.
    And y’all . . . God came THROUGH!  God has used the last few years of my life to pour His grace into me and to completely surround my heart with His powerful love so that I can now share my story of healing with others.
    Confront Your Feelings. When I first started this journey of healing from sexual sin, I experienced a lot of negative feelings like shame, guilt, worry and fear.  I was embarrassed of my past, and I felt like it was something that needed to be kept secret. But guess what sister, secrecy, fear, and these other negative emotions give our sin (and the Enemy) power!  
    A friend once told me that there is a difference between condemnation and conviction. Condemnation comes from Satan and is meant to imprison us in our sin and shame. Conviction is a call to be honest with God and confess our sins so we may receive forgiveness.  1 John 1:19 says “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” There is such a freedom in confession!
    Honesty (Truly) is the Best Policy. The best thing I did for myself in my journey was get on my knees and confess my sins to God.  I cried as I prayed. It was messy, but it was also such a beautiful moment of vulnerability that I had never experienced with the Lord.  During that conversation with the Lord, I recounted my sin, admitted I was struggling with feelings of lust and sexual sin, and asked God for guidance on how to move forward and heal.  This was so hard because I felt shame and embarrassment coming to God with this mess I had made of my life, but the Holy Spirit spoke to my broken heart. I was reminded of Psalm 139:1 “You have searched me, O Lord, and you know me.”  God knows all there is to know about us already, and trust me friend, He has been anxiously waiting for us to turn to Him with our messy, broken lives.
    Lean Into God’s Love. God used this season of vulnerability and repentance to pour His love into me.  He reminded me that “He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3), and I just felt His love surrounding me.  As I continued this journey, God showed me His grace, mercy, forgiveness and love, and I have learned so much about who He is by staying vulnerable and honest with Him.  I’ve learned that there is nothing I can do to separate me from His love, and shame does not have a place in our relationship.  
    As I continue this journey of healing, I continue to lean into Him to show me how loved I am. I have found such a peace through my identity as His beloved daughter and I have learned that there is nothing I can do that will separate me from His love (Romans 8:39).
    Moving Forward. Sometimes the hardest part of this journey is knowing that it is a DAILY (sometimes even HOURLY) process.  My sexual desires have not magically gone away, but I do believe one day that they will be fulfilled in a Godly marriage.  Until that day comes, I have learned to confront these desires head on and pray for God’s strength to remain pure. I lean into His love for me, and I reflect on God’s promise that He will fulfill the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4) in His perfect timing.  
    I am currently re-learning how to date in a way that respects the man I am dating, honors my future husband, and ultimately glorifies God. I pray over my dates and I ask God for the wisdom and self-control to set appropriate boundaries (and I have trusted friends who hold me accountable to those boundaries!).  I fight the enemy’s lies that I am unworthy of love by owning my past and confidently sharing my story of God’s forgiveness and healing.
    I won’t lie, there are days that are harder than others and there are times when shame creeps back in. But I hope you hear this, dear sister, God reminds us that each of our stories has a unique purpose in serving His kingdom “and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to HIS purpose.” Romans 8:28

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