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    Single Women and the Church

    Thursday, January 31, 2019



    And He personally gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers, for the training of the saints in the work of ministry, to build up the body of Christ, until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of God’s Son, growing into a mature man with a stature measured by Christ’s fullness. Then we will no longer be little children, tossed by the waves and blown around by every wind of teaching, by human cunning with cleverness in the techniques of deceit. But speaking the truth in love, let us grow in every way into Him who is the head - Christ. From Him the whole body, fitted and knit together by every supporting ligament, promotes the growth of the body for building up itself in love by the proper working of each individual part.” Ephesians 4:9-16


    Singled Out sister: in the world you may feel like you don’t have a place. But in the Body of Christ, you are a vital member. You are part of the whole body which is fitted and knit together by EVERY supporting ligament. The Body grows and builds itself up in love by the proper working of EACH individual part.


    Your church needs you.


    And you need the church.


    God personally called you to play a part in building up the Body of Christ, in unifying believers in faith and knowledge of Jesus, in maturing your brothers and sisters into a stature measured by Christ’s fullness. I hear the workings of God in my friend Elizabeth’s life as she works with the high school girls that she’s been with since the beginning of middle school. I look and see my single friends Christina and Amanda faithfully loving on preschoolers every Sunday morning. Amanda loves the church for providing “community and a place where one can use their gifts and talents to love on and bless others.”  

    The church can’t function without you and the serving you can do because of the freedom you have in this season. 

    The Church provides: opportunities to use your gifts and to serve, to cultivate community with women of the same and different generations and stages of life, small groups to fight against feelings of loneliness, and Truth to help understand God and His purposes.

    Let me speak to that last part. As women in a season of singleness, we often find ourselves like little children tossed by the waves of the world and blown around by every wind of lies and deceit. At church, we find Truth spoken in love. At church our goal isn’t marriage; our goal is to grow in every way in the Head, Christ. God looks at His Church and sees children. “For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ like a garment. There is no Jew or Greek, slave or free, male or female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:27-28). 

    In the Church, you and the woman next to you are not defined as single or married. You are daughters of the King - equal access to the throne of grace, leveled by the work of the Cross.

    Maybe you are reading this and you are married or have a platform in the church. Let me speak to you. Here is how you can love on the single women in your church better: 

    Please don’t promote messages of ‘waiting’ as if we’re not complete until we’ve met our husbands.

    Please don’t lump all young adults together while focusing on marriage and family. It makes us feel like we’re behind in life. 

    Please don’t promote marriage as the end goal or the promise. Christ is the goal. Share with us the promise of Jesus and His presence.

    Please change the conversation about singleness. We don’t want to be pitied or brushed over.

    Please find a place for us and make us feel welcome. Open your homes and families for us.

    Please talk about us and mention us from the pulpit. 

    Please don’t emphasize my singleness or my dating life. Notice that I have other things happening in my life. Ask me about my passions and my goals. Ask me about my professional life. Ask me about my gifts and how I am serving.

    Please don’t tell me marriage “will happen when it’s supposed to happen” and “when you are trusting God, He will bring the right one along.” This is not biblical and it’s not encouraging. 

    Please invest in us and pour into us. 

    Please preach on singleness and not just marriage. 

    Please celebrate our season like Paul celebrates it. 
    (These are all direct quotes from single women active in church).


    Women in a season of singleness, please extend grace to those who may misunderstand the freedom and beauty of your season. And may we as the body start to see each other as one in Christ Jesus.


    Church, love your single women. You need them.


    Single women, love your Church. You need the church.


    * Thank you to the women who came to the first Singled Out Gathering and offered their opinions on this topic. May God bless you as we start to change the conversation and view on singleness.

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