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    Singled Out for Him Sister: Katherine

    Tuesday, December 4, 2018

    Enjoy an honest and open conversation between two Singled Out Sisters as I share with you my time with my friend, Katherine.

    Lauren: Each season comes with difficulties and challenges. What struggles do you have or have had that are specific to your current season of singleness?

    Katherine: I don't think that my struggles with singleness are much different than what other friends or girls have shared with me. But for me, the biggest ones are just desiring and feeling like I've been created to be a wife and to have a family, and somehow feeling like I've been missing out on that part of my calling so far. Obviously the comparison game doesn't help this at all - seeing friends go through the processes of dating, engagement, marriage, and then starting a family and somehow feeling "left behind" or that I'm missing out on really deep and valuable life experiences.

    Lauren: Yes. Being married and having a family is a desire of mine too, and I can totally identify with the feeling of being “left behind” or missing out.

    Katherine: Also, I struggle with just feeling a sense of loneliness. Though the Lord has blessed me with an incredible community and close friends, I can feel the reality that we're made to be in close relationship and do life together day-in and day-out with a partner. Specifically, I feel that void without a husband, just desiring to really "do life" with someone - to share daily ups and downs, to challenge, encourage, laugh, and just experience life together in a deeper way than other friendships/relationships.

    Lauren: I think all singles have dealt with feelings of loneliness before. For some reason, we believe the lie that we are the only one with this feeling of loneliness. We see other friends who are single and it seems as if they are having the time of their lives while we are over here needing to get it together somehow. Now, let me ask you about dating. How has dating affected your season of singleness?

    Katherine: The rollercoaster ride of dating relationships is difficult. It's an emotional experience to walk through that process of getting to know someone else and then either experiencing rejection or having to be the one who might cause emotional hurt to someone else, even if not ill-intended. It can be an exhausting experience to go through again and again.

    Lauren: YES! Sometimes I find myself thinking “is it even worth it to put myself out there again?” I don’t believe this is a right perspective though.

    Katherine: Possibly the biggest struggle, though, is just trying to have a balance in my heart of contentment yet being "ok" with a desire for a husband. I know that desire isn't wrong - God created marriage and put that desire for relationship in our hearts. It just feels difficult at times to wrestle through having an unmet, godly desire but remain satisfied in the Lord.

    Lauren: My friends and I talk about that all the time. This is something I believed for the longest time. I even went through seasons of not praying and asking God for a godly husband and asked for Him to take away my desire because I believed that since He wasn’t answering my prayers then it must not be a good desire. This is such a lie from Satan. The desire to be married is not ungodly!

    Ok. So every season has its fair share of struggles, but each season also has abundant opportunities for blessings. What are the joys of your singleness season?

    Katherine: I absolutely love the freedom the Lord has given me in my singleness to build so many deep relationships with others in my community that just would not have been possible had I been married. It's a healthy truth of marriage that your focus, outside of your relationship with God, is first on your husband. So as a single woman not having that responsibility, I have the opportunity to minister to and build relationships with a lot of different people in various stages of life.

    Lauren: Agreed. There are so many friendships that I’m blessed with right now that would not be as deep as they are now if I were currently married.

    Katherine: I also get to enjoy fun activities and opportunities like traveling, girls' trips, spontaneous coffee dates with friends, spending time with my nieces and nephews and the rest of my family. There's a freedom in singleness that is a definite blessing that will change once I enter marriage. I feel grateful that I've been able to enjoy that freedom!

    Lauren: YES! There are plenty of fun things to do!

    Speaking of blessings, how are you using your singleness for the Lord? What are you doing now that you could not do if you were married?

    Katherine: The Lord has given me so many amazing opportunities to serve in my community and Church - to be fully devoted to the work of the Lord.  In the last 10 years, He's really confirmed and established the calling that He has spoken over my life. I've loved serving in leadership for the youth/young adults ministry, leading House Church, organizing the internship program at church, doing overseas work and being able to work with Out of Darkness and other ministries in Atlanta. Specifically going overseas with IJM and living in the safe house for Out of Darkness are two things that I would not have been able to do had I been married. I can see how He's led me into so many opportunities to minister to His heart by serving others. I'm sure that I will still be active in serving in some of these ways once I'm married, but there's a wholeheartedness that I get to offer to the Lord as a single woman that will change once I'm married and also devoted to my husband/family.

    Lauren: That is so beautiful. And I can truly testify that you wholeheartedly pursue serving the Lord with your singleness. In what ways has the Lord grown you in your singleness?

    Katherine: Hands down the biggest thing that I feel the Lord has built and grown in me is a dependence and trust in His heart towards me as my Father, Friend and my Bridegroom. I've learned to trust Him for His protection, financial provision, comfort, His guidance and leadership in big life decisions, and just His heart of love towards me. I've not had a man/husband to lean on or make those decisions for me, so I can truly say that He's been my "Husband" as He has been the one protecting, pursuing, providing, comforting, leading and loving me.

    Lauren: Wow. So beautifully put. Thank you so much for sharing, Katherine. And thank you for your season of being Singled Out for Him. Your testimony shines bright in my life and in the lives of those around you.

    Katherine is an Atlanta native with Canadian blood. She works as a Social Worker in hospice care providing support to patients and their families at end of life. She's passionate about living out Isaiah 61 and sharing Christ's love with the forgotten, hurting and oppressed. In her free time, she enjoys trying new coffee shops with friends, traveling, playing tennis, hiking and baking.

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