Grab a cup of coffee and sit down to have a heart-to-heart with my friend Elizabeth.
I wish someone had told me when I was younger that marriage and a husband aren’t the promise: God and His presence is.
I am 28 years old and, like many of you, still single. My younger sister has gotten married, all my college friends are married and have 2 or 3 children, and I’m still here. Still single. Still husband-less. Still child-less. Can anyone else relate?
This was not how I pictured my life. I’ve always had dreams of meeting someone in college, getting married once we graduated, and starting a family. I’ve dreamed of owning a home together. I’ve dreamed of raising a family. I never dreamed that the boys I met in college would crush my heart and leave me. I never dreamed that I’d be almost 30 and still single. I never dreamed I’d still be living at home, still in this waiting period.
In an honest and frank conversation with God one night, I told Him that I was mad at Him because He promises in Psalm 37:4 that if I take delight in Him, then He will give me the desires of my heart. I was telling God, “Lord, I serve you. I honor you with my life and my singleness. I tithe. I do everything I "should." I take delight in You and Your ways. Where are the desires of my heart? Why haven’t you given me what I wanted?” Oh, I’m sure He had a good laugh at me.
But in His grace and mercy, He responded to me with love. He said to me, “Elizabeth, I have given you the desires of your heart. You desire community; I have given you a group of God honoring single women to do life with. You desire a partner; I have given you best friends. You desire influence; I have given you a group of high school freshmen girls to love on and serve in your small group. You desire family; I have given you families that consider you one of their own. I have given you the desires of your heart. They just don’t look how you thought they would.”
Whoa.
Through this conversation with God, I realized all the gifts He’s given me in my singleness. He has given me extra time to be able to love on His children through the student ministry at church. He has given me other women who are also single and are using their singleness for Him. He’s given me community through church and small groups. He’s given me less responsibility so that I can love others well. If I were married, my ministry would be my husband and my children. Because I’m single, my ministry is other people, specifically high school freshmen girls and other single women. He’s also given me the gift of time to be able to grow, mature, and deepen in my relationship with Him. He’s taught me what a relationship centered around Christ should look like. He’s taught me that I can never get from people what I can only get from God. A person (or husband) will never satisfy the desires in my heart because only God can fulfill those. Maybe God has bigger dreams and plans for me than getting married. It’s not for me to figure out. My job is to pursue Christ, make His name known, love others well, and trust His plans for me.
My encouragement for you, my fellow single sister, is to find that area of holy discontent in your life. What keeps you up at night? What can you not stop thinking about? What keeps coming up in your life? What is missing from this world that you believe you can provide? What has been redeemed in your past that you can help others with now? Pursuing a relationship with Christ and pursuing that area of holy discontent in your life is what is God’s best for you right now. When you pursue God’s best for you and serve Him in that area of holy discontent, you will no longer feel like you’re waiting. You will feel a peace and purpose for this season of singleness in your life. For me, my area of holy discontent is teenage girls. I love building relationships with them, loving on them, encouraging them, pouring truth into their lives, and spending time with them. They encourage me and teach me just as much as I encourage and teach them. I never tire of listening to them, loving on them, or mentoring them. This is what is God’s best for my life right now and the biggest gift of my singleness.
God is always good and always for us. If we are still single, it is because He has a purpose for it and that is what’s best for us. He will never let us down. Trust in those promises today, sister.
With love,
Elizabeth
Elizabeth truly uses her singleness for God’s glory. What I love about her is 1) how fiercely she loves and serves her high school girls and 2) how she encourages those around her with words of Truth. She is living a life singled out for Him.
Singled Out Sister: What is your area of holy discontent?
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